Now Playing Tracks

professionalcinnabon:

tabloid-lover:

jamietheundeadamerican:

iwillmindfuckyou:

kneel-on-nails:

forever-kitten:

Damn son our uterus stretches like 5x the size and then contracts and pushes a 7 pound baby out of a small tube into life if you think that isn’t metal as fuck get out of my face

YOUR ORGANS THOUGH IM SO SORRY LADIES

damn selfish babies taking up all the space

NAW MAN, LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES, ALRIGHT?

FIRST OF ALL, IT SUCKS DICK. FIRST OFF LET ME GIVE YOU A MOTHERFUCKING RUNDOWN ON WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T EAT OR DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT.

  • SUSHI
  • EGGS
  • NO UNCOOKED ANYTHING IN FUCKING GENERAL ACTUALLY. AND ESPECIALLY NOT FISH.
  • ANYTHING WITH CAFFEINE IN IT, WHICH INCLUDES COFFEE, SODA, CHOCOLATE (THAT’S RIGHT, NO CHOCOLATE), SEVERAL TYPES OF COOKIES AND CANDIES, AND ENERGY DRINKS.
  • VEGETABLES AND MEATS THAT ARE RICH IN NITRATES LIKE HOTDOGS, SAUSAGE, LETTUCE, SPINACH AND CELERY.

SO BASICALLY IF YOU’RE USED TO EATING OR DRINKING ANY OF THOSE THINGS YOU BETTER BE PREPARED TO QUIT COLD TURKEY THE SECOND YOU GET PREGNANT.

NOW I’M NOT EVEN DONE. YOU SEE THAT PINK UPSIDE-DOWN TRIANGLE BELOW THE BABY’S HEAD? YEAH? THAT’S YOUR BLADDER. BABIES SQUEEZE DOWN ON THAT LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW AND ONCE YOU HIT THE THIRD TRIMESTER, YOU BASICALLY HAVE AN ELDERLY PERSON’S BLADDER. MY MOTHER TELLS ME SHE HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM AT LEAST 6 TIMES A DAY JUST SO SHE WOULDN’T WET HERSELF. ALSO WITH A BABY SQUEEZING’ UP AGAINST YOUR FUCKING INTESTINES LIKE THAT SAY HELLO TO CONSTIPATION NATION, EVERYONE.

SO NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE THE BLADDER AND BOWELS OF AN OLD PERSON, BUT THAT GROWING HUMAN BEING GROWING OUT OF YOUR GULLET ALSO PUTS A HUUUUGE STRAIN ON YOUR BACK. NOT TO MENTION IT’S A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS TO MOVE ANYWHERE, SINCE YOU NEED TO START WALKING LIKE SOMEONE OUT OF A MONTY PYTHON SKIT JUST TO GET AROUND EFFICIENTLY. ALSO THAT ADDED WEIGHT MAKES YOUR FEET ACHE SOMETHING AWFUL. SO WHAT CAN YOU DO?

WELL GUESS WHAT. YOU CAN’T TAKE ASPRIN. ABSOLUTELY NO ASPRIN. NO IBUPROFEN, NO NAPROXEN NO NOTHING. 

SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU IN PROBABLY THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE YOU WILL EVER BE, BUT YOUR MEDICINE CHOICES ARE EXTREMELY FUCKING LIMITED. (AND NO, I MENTIONED NO CHOCOLATE EITHER.)

DO YOU GUYS NOT REALIZE THAT THE FATE OF SOCIETY AND THE HUMAN RACE IN GENERAL IS BASED ON THE FACT THAT WOMEN MOSTLY CHOOSE TO GET PREGNANT? FOR LITTLE TO NO REWARD?! THE UNITED STATES ONLY GIVES 12 UNPAID WEEKS OF MATERNITY LEAVE ON AVERAGE. 

YOU WOULD THINK THAT THE FUCKING PROCESS BY WHICH OUR POPULATION CONTINUES TO GROW WOULD BE FUCKING REWARDED AND CELEBRATED, NOT SWEPT UNDER THE FUCKING RUG LIKE A PIECE OF FUCKING DUST.

/RANT OVER

Greatest rant ever.

smackdown

(Source: choosechoice)

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

I want to see you suffer. I want you to lose everything because you don't deserve happiness. You're annoyingly clingy and honestly I'm surprised no ones killed you yet. More importantly why haven't you killed yourself? You're a waste of space. Go do the world a favor and slit your wrists.

dersekingdom:

acupofteaandmore:

…wow..i, dont know what i did to you but im sorry i guess..yeah„,okay„

YO ANON. YOU FUCKING COWARD. HOW ABOUT YOU GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND COME OFF ANON AND SAY THIS SHIT TO MY SON’S FUCKING FACE LIKE A REAL PERSON? OH WAIT YOU’RE NOT EVEN HUMAN. YOU DONT EVNE DESERVE THE TITLE OF HUMAN BEING. WANNA KNOW WHY? SCUM LIKE YOU DESERVES ALL THE PAIN IN THE WORLD. NORMALLY I DO NOT SAY SHIT LIKE THIS, NORMALLY I DO NOT STOOP THIS LOW BUT I HAVE HAD IT WITH THIS FUCKING SITE. I HAVE HAD IT WITH THE CONSTANT ABUSE MY LOVED ONES HAVE GONE THROUGH WITH PIECES OF SHIT LIKE YOU. HAVE SOME FUCKING COJONES AND SHOW YOURSELF TO ME AND MY SON. YOU WANNA TALK SHIT BUT YOU DONT WANT TO SHOW UP? WANNA KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THE SECOND YOU DO YOU WILL BE FLOODED BY THOUSANDS OF MESSAGES SAYING THE WORST OF THE WORST, PEOPLE TELLING YOU TO KILL YOURSELF, TELLING YOU THE SAME THING AND YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT. DO NOT FUCKING SAY THIS SHIT TO ANOTHER PERSON IF YOU CANT TAKE IT YOURSELF.PEDAZO DE MIERDA. YO NO QUIERO QUE CONSIGUE SIEMPRE CERCA DE MI HIJO. I WILL FUCKING TRACK YOU DOWN. DO NOT PLAY WITH ME HERE. DO NOT THINK YOU CAN BE SLY HERE. YOU ANONS THINK YOU CAN DO THIS SHIT TO PEOPLE, AND THEN SMILE IN OUR FACES LIKE ITS NOTHING. THAT IS WRONG. DO NOT HURT MY LOVED ONES. DO NOT EVEN SAY SHIT LIKE THIS. I FUCKING HOPE YOU GET THE WORST OF WHAT KARMA HAS BECAUSE IF SHE FAILS TRUST ME, ILL BE COMING FOR YOU. AND I AM WORSE THAN KARMA. I AM A PISSED OFF PUERTO RICAN AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU EVEN FOLLOWING MY SON, WHY ARE YOU EVEN SENDING HIM MESSAGES, WHY ARE YOU SO HURT THAT YOURE NOT GETTING THE ATTENTION YOU WANT FROM HIM? WHY ARE YOU SUCH A BITCH ASS KID THAT YOU NEED TO SEND BULLSHIT LIKE THIS TO MY SON? MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY DO YOU HAVE TO PLAY STUPID GAMES LIKEW THESE? WHY NOT SHOW US WITH YOUR REAL URL AND NOT A SIDE BLOG? NOT A FAKE BLOG? CMON. SHOW ME WHO YOU ARE CABRON. IVE HAD IT WITH THE FUCKING ABUSE ON THIS SITE. YOU FUCKING MARICONES DESERVE THE WORST OF LIFE AND IM GOING TO SIT BACK AND LAUGH WHEN YOU FALL DOWN AND HAVE TO EAT THE SHIT THAT LIFE THROWS AT YOU. YOU IMBECILES. GET.THE.FUCK.AWAY.FROM.MACE.

sarahseemssilly:

theycallmethemoose:

everkings:

gildatheplant:

pragtastic:

fifty-shades-of-gandalf-the-grey:

leomoriat:

poesdaughter:

Or, y’know, that thing called “Passover.”

Or the whole thing with Noah’s Ark where he killed off everything in the world except Noah and his family, and two of every animal. Y’know, no big deal. Just millions of people.

90% of the Old Testament is about God killing people in temper tantrums

Are we not going to mention Jesus?

Nailed it.

*wheeze* 

Oh my god.

Nailed it.

(Source: atheismblog)

poutineisdelicious:

xekstrin:

majere636:

arachnofiend:

marapetsrules:

bobfoxsky:

“You fool. No man can kill me.”

How many times am I allowed to reblog this before it gets weird?

image

Fun facts: Tolkien constructed this scene because he came out of Macbeth thinking that Shakespeare had missed a golden opportunity with the ”Be bloody, bold, and resolute; laugh to scorn the power of man, for none of woman born shall harm Macbeth” prophecy

Being letdown by Macbeth is apparently a significant factor in Tolkien’s writing because the Ent/Huorn attack on Isengard was the result of his disappointment that the whole “til Birnam Wood come to Dunsinane” thing was just some dudes holding sticks and not actual ambulatory trees.

so he basically took his favorite shakespeare headcanons and put them into his AU fic

This revelation just knocked me over.

(Source: the-peoples-of-middle-earth)

the-feminist-fangirl:

I care about the problems of men. I care that the patriarchy tells men that they have to be stoic beasts incapable of emotion. I care that the patriarchy tells men that they are lust-filled monsters incapable of controlling their own libidos. I care that the patriarchy tells men that they cannot be raped or assaulted because the patriarchy believes women are too weak and inferior to be dangerous.

Feminists did not do this to you, other men did.

clarrissssa:

waiting-for-gallifrey:

kaorijoy:

hexcodewhite:

princess-potterheadxo:

did she get a haircut

does it make anyone else uncomfortable that they changed her entire race because she went out with Ron in their sixth year

isn’t that what happened???

they changed a character’s entire race because she as a character became important and relevant for a short amount of time

Wow.

Umm, no. They did not change her entire race simply because she dated Ron. Actually think about it. Up until the sixth book, she was a background character that was only ever mentioned in passing, so she wasn’t given a physical description. Then in the sixth book, Lavender was finally described, as having ‘pale skin and dirty blonde hair’. Well, the first few Harry Potter movies came out before the Half-Blood Prince book did, so the casting directors did what they wanted with the character. 

Another thing, the Lavender Brown from the first few movies only appeared in the first few movies. Lavender didn’t even appear in the 4th and 5th movies, because again, she was a background character, and wasn’t vital to the story. The only reason her race was changed was because a physical description was finally in the books, and it didn’t fit what the directors had, so they had to recast her. It was not because she dated Ron.

Somebody spread this shit because I refuse to have this turn into some social justice bullshit

(Source: jaimelarnnister)

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union